“Empathetic leadership” has become something of a buzzword, but experts say there are two distinct kinds of empathy, and while one has little use in the workplace the other is vital — especially for managers.

That’s according to Maja Djikic, an associate professor at the Rotman School of Management who specializes in adult psychological development. She explains that while we often conflate the two types of empathy, it’s important for managers to understand their distinction.

“Emotional empathy” refers to neurons in the brain that mirror feelings experienced by others. Put differently, it’s that physical feeling of discomfort that causes us to ache in the exact same place when we see an athlete getting injured, or the sense of loss that comes from hearing of the death of someone else’s loved one. We’re born with this type of empathy, Djikic says, and it tends not to change as we age.

Being too emotionally empathetic can prevent leaders from making the kinds of difficult, but necessary, decisions that come with the job, while a lack of emotional empathy — which can border on psychopathy — often creates toxic work environments, she adds.

The other kind of empathy, “cognitive empathy,” refers to our ability to logically understand what others are thinking and feeling, which Djikic says is vital for managers. That’s because it allows them to better anticipate workplace challenges, and better solve them in ways that satisfy the affected parties.

“It’s the perspective-taking ability, which impacts communication, decision making, culture and interpersonal problem solving,” she says. And through her research, Djikic and others have found some proven ways to help managers evaluate and grow their cognitive empathy abilities. (This advice, however, applies largely to the neurotypical, as there are different approaches to developing empathy for neurodiverse individuals.)

1. Establish a baseline

The first step, according to Djikic, is to benchmark your current level of empathy so that you can track your development over time.

One of the most common ways of doing so is by taking the “reading the mind in the eyes test,” or RMET, which is available for free online. The multiple-choice test displays pictures of eyes and asks which emotion is being expressed by the subject.

“You can also ask yourself reflective questions like, ‘do people surprise me?’ ‘Am I good at anticipating other people's emotional state or do they come as a surprise to me?’” Djikic says

Those who score poorly on the RMET test, or who often find themselves surprised by how others react to things, may need to spend even more time developing their empathy skills. 

2. People watch  

One of the best ways to develop your capacity for cognitive empathy, according to Djikic, is to observe others and try to determine their emotional state from afar.

“You can people watch with a cup of coffee and try to understand — based on their facial expressions, their body language — what is it that they're experiencing,” she says.

It’s hard, of course, to verify whether you’re right or wrong, which is why Djikic recommends trying the same with friends and family. 

“If you see their expression and think, ‘they look a little bit upset,’ you can ask them how they’re feeling,” she says. “Try to be present, be observant, and check with people about what it is they’re thinking and feeling.”

3. Read good fiction

If you want to develop your cognitive empathy skills without bothering strangers, family or friends, Djikic’s research suggests reading fiction. Specifically, she says that well written fiction relies on establishing characters through subtle cues instead of overt descriptions, and reading it is among the most effective ways to see the world from another’s perspective.

“There's empirical evidence that reading fiction improves people's cognitive empathy, and their ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of others,” she says. “In fiction, we have to continually build models of others based on cues, and good fiction has realistic cues of what particular things mean in terms of understanding other people.”

4. Watch foreign language TV and movies

Movie watched on mute or in a foreign language (without subtitles) can also help individuals develop cognitive empathy skills.

“Watch the scene and ask, ‘what do I think is happening?’ ‘Are these people related, or strangers?’ ‘What might they be talking about?’” Djikic says. “Then you can play the subtitles to see whether or not you have guessed correctly.”

5. Practice your skills

As you develop your cognitive empathy skills, you can begin to put them to use in real-world settings, while actively promoting the right kind of empathy.

For example, an overly emotionally empathetic leader may struggle to have difficult conversations with colleagues, as they will naturally try to shield them from discomfort and pain, Djikic says. A cognitively empathetic manager, however, will be able to have those difficult conversations in a more productive way, taking the other party’s feelings into consideration without sharing in them directly.

“In that case, empathy is about having a conversation in a way that allows the person to maintain their sense of worth and dignity, even though the outcome of the conversation is something they might not want,” she says. “People with higher cognitive empathy tend to have better outcomes in their personal life, in their professional life, for the obvious reason that if you can't understand why other people are behaving as they do, the world is far more confusing than it needs to be.”